I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
