The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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