Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
