It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
