Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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