I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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