Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
