I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
