He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
two words: eviction party
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize