so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize