can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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