he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize