He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
