I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
