My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize