Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
