Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
