happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
