Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
