So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
