The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
