it was like eating out sand paper
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? 😭😭
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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