i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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