"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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