you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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