Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I don't deserve a penis
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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