I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
