While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
