Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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