My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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