Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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