In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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