I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
