chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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