im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
