My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
