I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
