If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
me + whiskey = a bad person
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize