He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize