I'd wear matching sweaters with you
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
