Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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