We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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