So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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