She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
It was confusing and full of hummus
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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