My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I understand Curling. That high.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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