3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
