i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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