I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
