You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
