I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
