Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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