i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
