At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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