Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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