he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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