doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
