do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I touched a dick in church today
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
