She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
