community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
