Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
