oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
