Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
