I'm so fucking centered right now
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
