And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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