Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
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