idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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