I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
