He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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