he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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