I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
